Can i not drive my cunt home
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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