I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
