I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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