Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
