HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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