she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
