I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
