Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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