no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Alive.
So much puke
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
