You can't special order awesome
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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