Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
