Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
