Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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