her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
