So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
