i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
