Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
