My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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