My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
