shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I love you. Go after that dick
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
