if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
