Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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