my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
