??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
