I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
