Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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