Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
