We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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