Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
