The maid of honor just puked.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Its about making memories worth repressing
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
