Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
