life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
