i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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