how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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