Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
