I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
