Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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