I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
