yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
