A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
