I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
