You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
