as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just found puke in my bra..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
