It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
