thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
