I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
