the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
time to smoke my breakfast
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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