My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
