Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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