A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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