considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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