I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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