you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
