It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
