Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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